She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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