walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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