Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
