The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
