Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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