Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Boobs speak an international language.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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