I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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