Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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