somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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