I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize