Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
