my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
