I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
