At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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