I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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