if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
