Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
