My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
