A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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