I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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