is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
