Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
