i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
