Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
