How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
