It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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