You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
