the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
