Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize