Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
