Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh god it's open bar.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize