So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
