I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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