at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
