I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
