I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
