Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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