Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
