why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize