I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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