if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
