Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I cannot find my penis.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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