Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
