I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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