I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
