i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pants are for mortals
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