no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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