Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i think i just lost a toe
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
