oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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