I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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