Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
