i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
someone owes me an orgasm
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
