First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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