I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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