I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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