dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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