I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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