my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
50% drunk capacity currently
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
