a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
True strength comes from lack of pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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