i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
