I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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