I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
