so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
