My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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