So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize