I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
