i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
