please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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