Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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