OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you would pick up someone in the library
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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