i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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