Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
