My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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