we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
