I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize