Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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