I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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