shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
