my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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