Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
