nut hugger
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
