Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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