I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize