Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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