is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You don't make any sense
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