woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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