You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It all started with a game of naked twister.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
