Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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