Define "chronic" masturbator.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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