i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
