i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize