I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
