It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
