woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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