Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
