..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
