I want to walk on stilts...naked
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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