I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize