I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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