he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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