**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you didnt know i had herpes?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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