Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
