I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
