Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
